This guide was written by families with Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children.
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Dads play an important role in parenting. This traditional role includes teaching responsibilities, caring for Country, cultural knowledge and Lore. This is on top of the modern-day responsibilities of being an emotionally supportive partner, nurturing and providing for family.
For many Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander men, their role as parents and caregivers has been changed through colonisation.
Dads may wish to reach out for support to understand their new role in the family as they think about how to best support their partner and baby.
You might like to check out some guidance from Aboriginal dads in the video Rebuilding our shields: Sharing the stories of deadly dads.
This guide is also for you if are a non-Indigenous dad with an Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander child. As a non-Indigenous dad, you can’t teach Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander culture, but you can still support it and help your child feel proud.
‘To non-Aboriginal parents, if you are encouraging Aboriginal culture in the family, you deserve a pat on the back. It is really important what you are doing. It is wonderful when non-Aboriginal parents encourage their children to know their culture. It will mean so much to your children when they are grown.’
‘It’s important to me to show my kids how proud I am of their culture in as many ways as I can in our day-to-day life.’
Many non-Indigenous dads with Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander partners get to enjoy learning about culture with their child. They can play an important role by reaching out to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people in their partner’s family and Community to help their child learn about their culture.
They can also encourage their kids to yarn with their Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander aunties, uncles and Elders to strengthen their identity.
And as a child’s identity comes from both parents, they can teach their about child the identify of their non-Indigenous family as well.
‘I am grateful for the connectedness of my non-Aboriginal stepfather in fostering opportunities for me to connect with my culture in solidarity with my mum. I am in part the father I am today because of him.’
Culture starts being built in our babies in the womb. It is the time when the foundations for a strong mind, strong body, wellbeing and spiritual connections to Country and family begin.
‘For thousands of years, mothers and traditional midwives have passed down knowledge about pregnancy and birth. For many of us, this traditional knowledge has been disrupted.’1
‘Little traditional things matter.’
As a dad, you have a role in supporting mum when she is pregnant. Sometimes just being there is what is needed. You don’t always need to talk, but listening is important. It’s helpful for mum to tune into what the baby and their body needs, and it helps the growing baby if mum isn’t too stressed.
If possible, being on Country together and connecting before bub is born is a good idea. Time goes quickly during pregnancy and once baby is born, it will be ‘all hands on deck’! And if you live off Country and can’t visit, you can still talk about it, describe it or watch videos or listen to podcasts that come from traditional countrymen.
Making time to talk to Country, the Ancestors and with each other about how you and mum want to parent together is a great way to feel empowered and send good messages to bub. Did you know that babies start to recognise voices while in the womb?
Talk about culture and love for your partner and baby. It helps everyone grow together, and stay grounded and connected.
Some other practical ways to support mum during pregnancy is by helping with doctors or other appointments. This can include:
‘My partner said to me: “You comfort me and keep me safe when no one else has ever done it, besides my dad that is no longer with us,” and I thought it was very powerful that she said that.’
Dads can provide for mum and bub in lots of ways. It might be hunting, fishing, preparing food and cleaning up afterwards.
‘Busting ourselves and working to provide is hard. Sometimes we need to put a smile on for the kids. But don’t bottle things up, find supportive family and friends. Sometimes connecting through helping others is good. Sometimes we need to talk about the things that break us and make us cry. Other times we need to make a joke to stop us from crying.’
But most important is that dads can provide love, nurturing and emotional support to their family. It doesn’t cost money, it’s available 24/7 and everyone is a winner when dads give care.
Being a strong Aboriginal man involves love: for mother, Country, Elders, family, children and kin.
Dads can talk, sing songs and read books to bub in the womb. If you know your traditional language, you can talk to them in lingo. Talking to bub through mum’s belly is a great way to share traditional stories. If you know how to play the Yidaki (Didgeridoo) you can play that for bub too. Singing songs or just talking is enough – as long as your baby hears your voice, and your partner experiences you showing care.
Pregnancy is a good time to start learning how to be a good dad. You can learn what babies need by talking to Elders, uncles, aunties, community workers, men’s groups and Aboriginal health services.
You are not expected to know everything and no one is perfect. There is no ‘one size fits all’. Be open-minded, learn new ways and find what works for you and your family.
‘Sometimes fellas don’t try because they are scared to be wrong. I had to learn that in so many ways. This is not once-off stuff, keep going for the rest of your life. And don’t let your mistakes hold you back.’
Don’t be afraid to ask family, friends or Community members to find out more about your culture and obligations as a man, father and partner. Learning about culture is a lifelong process as it has always been in traditional Lore.
As you learn, you may change and grow. You might:
Your connection to your baby can also grow by sharing your cultural knowledge with them once they are born.
‘My daughter, my first-born child, she represents that first hope and that first experience of becoming a father.’
Dads can protect mum and baby. But sometimes we need to reach out to our supports to help us stay strong.
‘The first year of life can shape how kids cope. Everything has got to be calming. It can’t be chaotic and screaming.’
If you are feeling worried or no good, you can call 13YARN on 13 92 76 to talk confidentially to another Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander person. It will be a culturally safe conversation with no judgement.
Dads can help children know who they are and where they come from. Telling children who their mob is and how they are connected to community is important.
‘I learned about my bloodlines and who I am through talking to family and reaching out. It is a journey that happens over years.’
As Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children learn to communicate with family members, Community and other children in their early years, and it’s during this stage that their brains develop faster than at any other time in their lives.2
Dads can encourage children at this age to be proud of their identity and culture. If you can support them to embrace their identity now, there will be no stopping them!
Things like reading them an Aboriginal children’s book, sharing your knowledge about Country and culture and attending Community events with other Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander families. Even painting up for special events like NAIDOC start to build a sense of identity. And if you know any traditional language, you can teach it to your kids.
‘It is hard to be proud of who you are if you don’t know who you are and how you fit in. That is why identity matters. But identity is often overlooked by services, so we have to keep looking to find the supports we need.’
Dads can take their toddler to lots of places to connect to Country. You can take them on outings to special places, or just stop, watch and listen to nature wherever you may be.
Kids love to connect to their senses – giving them time and space to be in nature helps them start to connect to Country and may even calm them if feeling tired or cranky. Some ideas for connecting you could do with your toddler include:
Learning about their culture and connecting to Country is good for children. It also helps make sure Country will be cared for in the future. This is part of traditional custodianship. So is holding care, knowledge and connection for our children.
Relationships and connections with family and kin let children know that they are loved and their world is safe. At this age the foundations for learning, healthy habits and behaviours are set up.2
Dads can support nature and sensory play with their kids. This is good for children, and good for the relationships between parent and child and Country.
Dads can pass on important cultural values to children. This can include yarns about roles and responsibilities, such as respect for Elders and caring for country. Children might be interested in languages, what place names mean and personal or family stories such as ‘when I was a kid …’
‘The biggest thing you learned from fathers and uncles was about caring. Going out hunting the food was divided up. Another thing was understanding your own family tree. How you behave and speak to each other with dignity and respect.’3
At ages 3 to 5 years, kids will be starting preschool or kindy soon. Dads can help teachers encourage their child’s identity by telling them it is important and sharing some cultural knowledge.
You can show an interest in what your kids are learning, and help them with counting and reading. And you can let them know you are always there for them.
‘Take the time to understand your child’s views. It is hard to find the time when we are busy, but ask how they are and help them manage their difficulties. Your kids need to know they can ask you as a father for help when they need it.’
Make time to talk about how life is going. Eating food together at least once a day is good for kids. Making time to sit and yarn together at breakfast or dinnertime is an easy way to switch off distractions and tune in together as a family.
‘Don’t teach it. Show it. Be loving and nurturing. Always say you love them.’
Dads can take children to local cultural events. It can help the whole family connect and feel a sense of belonging.
If living off country, trying to connect with local mob is important. While this isn’t always possible, showing up to local community events or school cultural days is a good way to meet the local mob. Once you child is at school, arrange a yarn with any Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander teachers or support staff. Get to know other members of the community in sporting events, arts exhibitions or other public gatherings. It’s often the informal yarns you have with mob that create the best opportunity to share culture and the benefits of community with your child.
Going to local NAIDOC week and other Community events that celebrate culture is a great way for your kids to meet other local kids. Take along a picnic blanket and a feed and join in as much as you can. Even going to the local park for kids to play on the swings or ride scooters or bikes can be a great way to meet other young families.
Emerging Minds recognises and pays respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, their ancestors and the Elders past, present and future from the different First Nations across this country.
We acknowledge the importance of connection to Land, culture, spirituality, ancestry, family and community for the wellbeing of all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children and their families.
Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples should be aware that this website contains images or names of people who have passed away.
