Invitational and ethical practice with fathers who use violence (part one)
In this episode, psychologist and author Alan Jenkins describes his practice theory for working with fathers who use violence, coercion or threats towards partners and children. Alan’s two books, Invitations to responsibility (1990) and Becoming ethical: Parallel political journeys with men who have abused (2009) are seminal texts for practitioners in behaviour change programs.
Alan’s books describe his approach to individual and group therapy with men who are hurting those they care about. He believes that when men hurt others, they are acting in accordance with the violence that is condoned at societal, institutional and political levels, rather than in contradiction to it. Accordingly, Alan is interested in the ethical intentions of safety and respect of individual men or fathers, rather than working from a position of judgement or condemnation.
In conversation with Dan Moss, Alan describes the common paradox of fathers who want to have a close and loving relationship with their children, but who use coercion and control to try to achieve it. He describes his practice of asking men about what they would like to change in their relationships with their children and helping them to develop agency in how they can achieve safe and respectful relationships. This practice deliberately resists a position of urgency or confrontation with men, instead opening up opportunities to find their ethical strivings and intentions. Alan’s practice is built on the understanding that practitioners need to work towards fairness in their practice with men if they expect men to consider fairness in their own relationships with children and partners.
In this episode, you will learn about:
- the cultural and social institutions and practices that support violence, control and coercion from men and fathers [2:26]
- practices that hold men and fathers to account according to their own ethical strivings and preferences for relationships with their children, rather than a set of rules that are set by the practitioner [8:05]
- how practitioners can avoid judgemental practice while still helping men and fathers to describe their own shame in previous actions [10:01]
- preparing to visit with men and fathers who have come to meet practitioners with a level of contempt and what they can do to listen to the concerns that men and fathers bring with them [15:12]
- ways in which practitioners can attune to men’s panic and shame so that they can genuinely listen to their concerns, hopes and ethical strivings [19:12]
- the importance of shame as an ethical marker for men which helps them to set boundaries in their relationships where they examine the impact of their violence on others. [24:54]
Related Emerging Minds resources
Online family and domestic violence courses for practitioners