This tip sheet is part of a series Emerging Minds created with families who’ve been through tough times to spark hope and new ideas for finding and sustaining threads of connection.
Download a printable version of Connection with our families
Who's in your crew?
The word ‘family’ can mean a lot of different things depending on our cultural beliefs and our life experience. For some of us, family is biological. But there are all kinds of families, not only blood relatives.
Family can be the people we choose or those that play a really important role in our lives. They may be people who’ve been there when we’ve gone through tough times. We care about them, and they care about us. We know if there’s a disagreement that it’s not going to be the end of the world. We’re talking about our people, our team, our crew. The people we have a deep bond with. Those we want to stay connected to, through life’s storms and times of smooth sailing.
‘You need to create your own family. They won’t necessarily be blood. They’ll be the people who love and support you no matter what.’
Before you read on, take a moment to think about…
- What does family mean to you?
- What values matter to you when it comes to family?
What can get in the way of connection?
Even when we care about each other, feeling connected within family can be really hard sometimes, especially if your family is experiencing violence or intergenerational disadvantage.
It can be a challenge to maintain relationships when we’re struggling financially, or don’t have access to supportive community, affordable childcare, or safe and secure housing.
When one of us is sick, struggling with distress, or going through big or difficult times, it can mean we are all struggling.
Some other roadblocks to connectedness are…
Distance
Being far away or a feeling of not having enough time to connect can really get in the way of knowing how each other is doing and being able to show up for each other.
Demands on our time and energy
Being a sole parent, having to work long hours, living with disability or chronic illness, demanding care responsibilities and busyness all make connection less easy to access.
Expectations
Cultural expectations of how parents should be, how families should be, how kids/daughters/sons/siblings should be can also put a lot of pressure on families. And sometimes it even pits us against each other. These ‘shoulds’ can contribute to shame, guilt and stigma and lead to us being really hard on ourselves and each other. They can make it tougher to see the unique and wonderful things about our loved ones, and to really hear each other.
But no matter the circumstances, we try, we reach out, in big and small and sometimes in unseen ways. We work together, celebrate each other and support each other. And we hope our stories and ideas might spark something and help you in some way…
‘Family to me is someone I can dislike a lot, and still chill out with at the same time. I can walk in and eat food out of the cupboard and they won’t blink an eyelid. “In your bones you belong together at that time” is what I see family as.’
Before you read on, take a moment to think about…
- What kinds of things is your family experiencing that can make feeling connected to each other harder?
- What might you already be doing to connect with your family, despite the difficulties you have faced?
- Why is this important to you?
- Have you noticed your kids taking steps towards connection? What do you appreciate about what it takes for them to do that?
Stories of family connection in tough moments
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‘Up until a year ago I was so emotionally detached it wasn’t funny. The only way I was able to connect was just to do things. Just be at the park with the children, just to listen to them talk to me. Everything was a just without an emotion. Sometimes it was just taking a photo of myself to send to my son [in out of home care]: there was no reason like I was happy, or I thought I looked nice, it was just to take a photo so he would see his mother. If I sum it up, it’s just being a robot and “doing”.’
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‘Connecting with a child with a disability when you’re exhausted, just so tired, can be really hard. It can look a lot different to the way you connect with your child when you’re not exhausted. On a really bad day, your best will look different to on a really good day. You’re not failing just because it’s a shit day.’
How can you create strong family relationships?
Read our next tip sheet: How to build connection within your family
Emerging Minds connectedness resources
Have a look at the following options and choose what feels right for you and your family.
(Cards will be added below once module becomes available)
For practitioners
Are you a practitioner wanting to give this resource to a person or family? Check out our practitioner guide.